Being Bullied, singled out, and kicked off a league with no reason given.

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Being Bullied, singled out, and kicked off a league with no reason given.

Post by Sam4 on Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:02 pm

This is a fairly long story, since it spans the course of a few months. I'm going to try to keep it as anonymous as possible, even though I don't think anyone from that league is here.

I joined this league as fresh meat in June of last year. I finished the recruitment program and was placed on my home team in October.
Around that time, the league was having trouble with the person handling flyers and bout programs (she was not a skater on the league, but an outside volunteer), so having a bit of a design background myself, I stepped up to do the job.
The structure of this league is a little strange, and consists of 3 members of leadership and a group of coordinators. 2 of the leadership members, A and B are the owners of the league and are not skaters. The other leadership member, C, is a skater, and she is also the coach and practice coordinator. There was, as this time, a design coordinator position.
When I took on doing design, they dropped it as a coordinator position and had me working under 2 people. A, the social media coordinator, D, and the game coordinator, E. I had to answer to all 3 of these people, even though communication was very poor.
At one point, I had never been given a completion time for a flyer, and wasn't aware that A wanted it complete so early. She singled me out in front of the entire league saying that I was late turning things in.
At around this time, D had made the decision to do photoshoots for flyers with one of the leagues many photographers, and I was required to use the picture they chose from the photoshoot, and I was to have no business in planning the photoshoot myself. When I was given a picture for one flyer, I did not like it. The picture was awkward and very busy, and it would have been very difficult - if not impossible - to make it into an attractive flyer. Very politely, I asked D if there were any other pictures from the shoot I could use since that one wouldn't work, or if there were some other way to figure this out. She flipped, saying I was "personally offending" her, and basically tore me apart, cursing and insulting me.
Despite it not being that proud of it, I sucked it up and made the flyer.
After that, and after continuously being treated like a lesser being by the 2 people in charge of me, I resigned from the position.
I was begged to return, and at a coordinator meeting shortly after (my boyfriend was a coordinator on the league), my situation was brought up. My boyfriend basically spoke up for me, saying that I stepped down because I wasn't being treated well, and because for communication to work, the position needed to be an actual coordinator position (coordinators have their own email addresses and special forums to make communication and organization easier, and I was being left out of all of that).
I had a meeting with A about a week or so after, where I explained that D was taking over too much, and that communication problems were making it difficult for me to work properly. She said that she hadn't known that I was not a coordinator (the owner of the league didn't know that?) and would make it a coordinator position immediately.
C, my coach and teammate, did not approve of me being a coordinator, and never put me on the forums I needed to be on, but I did get my email address and communication was much smoother for a very short period of time.
I was then told that from now on I would be in charge of the photoshoots with the photographer, and the next one was scheduled in 4 days - when I had plans. Everyone involved thought that it was at a different time and at a different place, so within a few hours I realized that more time was required and I asked the photographer when the best time for him was the week after. We planned out a time.
That weekend, I broke my toe at a concert, and was unable to skate at practice on Monday, even though my pet was very sick and it was hard to leave her for even a couple hours AND I was having trouble walking, I went to practice to help coach the new recruits. After practice, while I was helping the new girls pick out gear, I was told I needed to meet with A, B, and D in a small room off to the side.
In this meeting, D was given free reign to completely attack me, accusing me of insulting our photographer and alienating the most important volunteer for the league (we had about 5 photographers). She screamed at me, cursed at me, accused me of hating her because she was pregnant, and told me I was undiplomatic and immature (while screaming and cursing), and said that all of this happened because I had cancelled the photoshoot the night before (I'd cancelled it 3 days before). I was accused of never communicating with the photographer, and that I should send him about one email a week (I had records of around 8 emails a week sent to him). A and B backed her up. I was barely able to speak, and was given no chance to defend myself.
That night, I discussed the situation with my boyfriend, who was very upset about the way I was treated, and we made the decision to take a short break form the league to get other aspects of our lives in order and to let things cool down. I got no response from leadership when I announced that the two of us were taking time off.
I also sent an email to A showing her proof that the things that D had said about me were untrue (copies of messages between the photographer and I) as well as copies of some of the cruel messages I had received from D herself. I got no response.
Shortly after, I emailed A and B about some money they had of ours ($90) that I needed back. I got no response from them, but instead got a text from C (who had pointedly remained uninvolved until now), saying that they wanted to have a meeting with my boyfriend and I first, and at that point they would give me my money.
The meeting was with A, B and C. At the meeting they printed out a blog post from my personal blog that I had written the night of being attacked in that room. The post mostly discussed how stressed I was about my pet and finding a job, but also about how I was so stressed and didn't need to be taken into a room and yelled at for 15 minutes. That I am a very busy volunteer and do not deserve that. No names were mentioned, and I said nothing bad about the league (I never publicly insulted the league). The next morning, I had removed the post because it was very emotional and I don't like keeping that stuff up.
They said that the post was very offensive and that it was grounds to kick me off of the league. They also said that they know they are "tyrants" but do not care, and that they do not have to take criticism. By the end of the meeting, I had sucked up so much that everything was worked out. I would not be kicked off, everything was either a miscommunication or completely forgiven, and at the end of my break everything would be normal. I was told to email A the exact time of our return.
After a few days, the boyfriend and I picked the exact date and emailed it to A, who responded saying that I would not be welcome back and neither would my boyfriend. No reason was given. After crying for about 2 days, I responded asking simply what had changed since our meeting. I got not response.
I have since been blocked from commenting, sharing, or liking anything on the photographers facebook (which includes about 20 pictures of me and almost as many of the boyfriend), and nobody from the league (save a couple of my closer friends) has said a word to me since February when this all happened. I know that some stuff was spread about me to other skaters, though I am not sure exactly what, so I can't really refute it or defend myself.
The league never announced that I was gone (as is customary).
When I read through the league's bylaws, many of them were broken throughout this whole thing.

Was I really being bullied here? What should I do?

Sam4

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Join date : 2012-03-21

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Re: Being Bullied, singled out, and kicked off a league with no reason given.

Post by Admin on Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:31 am

Sam4,

It is my belief that you were being bullied; while I know it hurt horribly getting kicked off the team was probably for the best. I have heard of leagues bullying badly enough that relationships have been destroyed in the process.

I am sorry that you both have to deal with this horrific example of bullying, although I would like to tell you the worst is behind you but waiting for a bully to forget you are a long hard road. In the meantime find another way to love the sport… Whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM FORCE YOU TO CHANGE! Appearing as if their (your bully(s)) actions or words leave you unchanged and better, if not more determined, really brings their worlds crashing down. Always remember you have the power, because the more they talk about you the more uninvolved parties become interested.

BNB
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