Introduce yourself

FancyPants wrote:Hi everyone!
It's both sad and comforting that I'm not alone. So glad someone has created a safe place for venting on this issue. I have been bullied since I started playing derby. It's very upsetting to me that a sport that is supposed to be empowering to women is full of some really abusive and mean people! I am in the process of switching leagues as a result. Since my situation is current I have chosen to go by FancyPants, which is NOT my derby name... Just in case anyone is actually using it. Nice meeting everyone. Think this would be a great way to start an online support group so we can encourage each other!
FancyPants

FancyPants,

If you need a neutral third party mediator we would <3love<3 to assist you & your league as a neutral mediator. That way the split is able to be peaceful, without anyone having hurt feelings or hate. Those types of feelings usually lead to someone talking smack about the other party, and unfortunately a lot of leagues are eager to believe the skaters are always wrong. No one should be bullied by anyone/team or league, although simply leaving a league does not mean they will stop bullying you. STAND UP TO YOUR BULLY AND 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 THEY WILL "TUCK TAIL" AND RUN AWAY.

Derby <3
Us

Thanks for the mediation offer. Might be interested but concerned it could make things more awkward if I bring in a third party. IDK, never been singled out like this before. I think the first step would be to tell you everything and see what the options are. I really don't want to divulge too many details publicly because if they stumbled upon this site, they would recognize the story. It's a unique and bizarre situation, really. I was trying to figure out how to PM you but it was not working for me. Anyway, thanks again. I would like some advice about this. I know that the league change will help tremendously, but I do want to stand up for myself on the way out and need some help figuring out how to go about it.

Derby <3
FP

FP~
You can e~mail us the whole story privately, blockersnotbullies@gmail.com or if you are more comfortable I could try and send you a PM. We would love to help work things out :~)
Derby <3
~Us~

Thanks. I started writing the email, but it's sooo long and only about half way into it! Maybe I should just write a book!? LOL! I will try to condense it and wrap it up. The transfer is gonna happen this week. Thinking I will just announce that I'm changing leagues without going into details and try to stress that I want to leave on good terms. You could PM me if you have any general ideas about the best way to leave. Thanks again.
Derby <3
FP

Dear FP~

Hopefully your able to have a safe split from your league and are accepted with open arms into the new league. Be cautious that you not jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Derby <3
'Us'

Hi all,
This forum comes at a great time.

I'm a new skater at a Canadian League, my skater name is Dazzler - should have made that my username - ooops! I am working with a committee to work on a national Canadian Derby community, and we are currently working on an anti-bullying policy, because it is so important.

Looking foward to watching this forum grow, and help people!

medleyga wrote:Hi all,
This forum comes at a great time.

I'm a new skater at a Canadian League, my skater name is Dazzler - should have made that my username - ooops! I am working with a committee to work on a national Canadian Derby community, and we are currently working on an anti-bullying policy, because it is so important.

Looking foward to watching this forum grow, and help people!

Ironically we are working on an anti-bullying policy that we would like to see adopted across the board by USARs, WFTDA, and any other "governing" organization for roller derby there is world wide. Maybe we could share ideas back and forth to try and protect skaters worldwide... Not only from leagues that bully, but also from skaters that bully other skaters. Please email us at blockersnotbullies@gmail.com if you would like to work together on this monumental task. :~)
Derby <3,
'Us'

Sounds great. I have emailed the doc I have. I hope we can get a back and forth going - and create something really helpful.

Thank you for emailing us the document you have... We will get to reading and offering any suggestions, that we think might be helpful. Sorry we were unable to get back to everyone right away. Life got away from us for a couple days and we are returning e~mails/replying to posts ASAP(most likely we'll get to everything today).

Derby <3
'Us'

I am so happy to have a safe place to vent! I'm just not sure how "safe" it is, since I know a league actively bullying my league has joined, or at least liked you all on Facebook. I'm sure as I become more familiar with this awesome forum, I'll feel more comfortable sharing.

Marilyn wrote:I am so happy to have a safe place to vent! I'm just not sure how "safe" it is, since I know a league actively bullying my league has joined, or at least liked you all on Facebook. I'm sure as I become more familiar with this awesome forum, I'll feel more comfortable sharing.

Part of the beauty of this forum is your ability to hide your identity... If you would like to share your story and are uncomfortable with sharing on the forum please feel free to email us privately at blockersnotbullies@gmail.com

Derby Love,
BNB

I have a friend thats been pushed out of her team and had horrible accusations lodged against her by another skater(to mention one of the offenders). This friend is completely heartbroken and doesn't even want to get out of bed anymore(Yes, I know thats depression) but I thought maybe we could get her a couple of loving/encouraging notes/letters just to let her know that derby isn't about all that hate!
Thank you & Derby <3

Hi all!

I just wanted to say that this is one of the best ideas that I have ever seen. I would love to be involved in helping in stoping bullying in derby. I'm remaining confidential right now cause I don't want to stir anything up and I have no idea who is on this. I have to say I was bullied slightly by a league I originally started out with. I stood my ground from the begining and just killed them w/kindness. It kind of worked. I guess cause I didn't give them to much of a reaction and pretty much made it known I wasn't tolerating that. I was bullied most of my school life and it sure wasn't happening w/derby. But unfortunatley it didn't happen that way for other skaters.I did recieve negativity and evenutally felt like I was chopped liver due to all the cliques. I later joined another league that was spilt from the original league. The harrasment I witnessed from the original league to the new league and some of their members was through the roof. Lawyers had to get involved. Its calmed down but the wounds are still fresh.

Dear Concetta,

I am glad you were able to over come the bullying you personally experienced and am saddened at the same time. NO ONE has the right to make anyone else feel lesser or inferior simply due to their own insecurities.

In my personal bully situation I too was forced to involve an attorney although I was talked out of pursuing it into the courts by a friend. Because if I had allowed my bully's to push the issue into court I would have lost personally... It would have been a dark cloud over the rest of my derby career & due to the cliquey nature of this sport I would have been forced out. Plus I did not want the emotional guilt when they lost in the courts. (not saying legal recourse was inappropriate in your case)

I am personally pleased to hear that the bullied parties were able to form a league... Just an FYI we do offer a bullying workbook that could help the new league remain bully(ing) free. If your interested please feel free to email us at blockersnotbullies@gmail.com and don't worry the sore feelings and emotion wounds over the split will heal over time.

Derby <3
BNB

Concetta wrote:Hi all!

I just wanted to say that this is one of the best ideas that I have ever seen. I would love to be involved in helping in stoping bullying in derby. I'm remaining confidential right now cause I don't want to stir anything up and I have no idea who is on this. I have to say I was bullied slightly by a league I originally started out with. I stood my ground from the begining and just killed them w/kindness. It kind of worked. I guess cause I didn't give them to much of a reaction and pretty much made it known I wasn't tolerating that. I was bullied most of my school life and it sure wasn't happening w/derby. But unfortunatley it didn't happen that way for other skaters.I did recieve negativity and evenutally felt like I was chopped liver due to all the cliques. I later joined another league that was spilt from the original league. The harrasment I witnessed from the original league to the new league and some of their members was through the roof. Lawyers had to get involved. Its calmed down but the wounds are still fresh.

Hi, I'm Fatty Dook (or alicia) and a skater Rep for the Juneau Roller Girls in Alaska.
We're a new league (May 2010) and I'm hoping to use this forum as a good way to contact other skater reps and anyone else who can help me form a solid culture in our league that deals with bullying in a direct, non-threatening manner.
Anyway, I hope to be able to develop a good conflict resolution system and I'm sure many of you can give great insight about what's worked and what hasn't.
Thanks! So glad to see something like this in action.

Dear Fatty Dook (Love the name, just wanted to use it),

Hopefully you are able to learn a lot from the forum that will assist your league in building an Iron Clad conflict resolution system. There is an amazing resource for league start ups on www.derbysprouts.com and I would personally reccomend reading Flaming 'Mo's book "Rollin on: A Roller Derby League Survival Guide" (http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1913207). Both resources will help you avoid the perils and pitfalls a young league is most likely to come acrossed, not to mention I thought the book was a rather good read on its own. An informative easy read but thats just my humble opinion...

If you would like I could start a thread inviting our users to assist directly in developing a conflict resolution policy?

Derby Love,
SwingHer
BNB

FattyDook wrote:Hi, I'm Fatty Dook (or alicia) and a skater Rep for the Juneau Roller Girls in Alaska.
We're a new league (May 2010) and I'm hoping to use this forum as a good way to contact other skater reps and anyone else who can help me form a solid culture in our league that deals with bullying in a direct, non-threatening manner.
Anyway, I hope to be able to develop a good conflict resolution system and I'm sure many of you can give great insight about what's worked and what hasn't.
Thanks! So glad to see something like this in action.

Hello.
I'd kind of like to stay somewhat anonymous for now.
I've been skating for about a year and a few months ago got myself into a big mess.
I'm getting ready to post the massive story over in the Tell Your Story section, but I wanted to introduce myself and say hello over here first.
I love the idea of blockers not bullies. When asking for advice related to my situation, many skaters directed me here, so I'm finally here.

HI would like to remain anonymous. I have been the victim of bullying in the league I currently skate with in the UK. The bullies in question have said snide remarks in training, sworn at me and spread rumours about me. I feel very alone as no one seems to support or even believe me. Though several have witnessed their verbal abuse.

I used to be full of confidence, I was on the board and one of my leagues coaches, but these people have made me so self concious and upset that I dread having to take coaching or even having to go to training. The league set up a meeting between myself and the bullies but they denied it all, and are more careful with their insults both in person and online.


I just feel like I can't continue in derby, they've taken my love for the sport. There is no other league near by I can join either.

I just am at a loss.

Please email us privately at blockersnotbullies@gmail.com that way we can advise directly to the situation while allowing you to remain anonymous. We would like to know more about your your situation and everything emailed to us remains confidential. I think more direct contact with us would best meet your situations needs.

We look forward to hearing from you...
Derby Love,

BNB

UKderbygirl wrote:HI would like to remain anonymous. I have been the victim of bullying in the league I currently skate with in the UK. The bullies in question have said snide remarks in training, sworn at me and spread rumours about me. I feel very alone as no one seems to support or even believe me. Though several have witnessed their verbal abuse.

I used to be full of confidence, I was on the board and one of my leagues coaches, but these people have made me so self concious and upset that I dread having to take coaching or even having to go to training. The league set up a meeting between myself and the bullies but they denied it all, and are more careful with their insults both in person and online.


I just feel like I can't continue in derby, they've taken my love for the sport. There is no other league near by I can join either.

I just am at a loss.

Hi
I'm using an alias for now, as I'm new to this. I've been skating for nearly three years and started bouting last year. Felt that talking to someone outside of the league would help me be less scared and more confident. I'm skating for a league in Australia.

ItaCutthroat wrote:Hi
I'm using an alias for now, as I'm new to this. I've been skating for nearly three years and started bouting last year. Felt that talking to someone outside of the league would help me be less scared and more confident. I'm skating for a league in Australia.

If you would like we are available through our gmail address blockersnotbullies@gmail.com
Otherwise, you can rest assured that this is a safe place and everyone is here to help each other and/or receive help. Sometimes talking to someone outside your league can be helpful... I am concerned with your feeling scared and less than confident. Do you feel someone is bullying you? What are the circumstances? I would love to help you.

Derby Love,
SwingHer

i AM not really sure on how to use this whole sit yet and i wish to remain a annoynoums as my story has just recently taken place and i have just become aware of how bullied i really was and how much my league has changed....=(

i would like to speak to someone privately but dont know how to do that on the forum?